FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given 5 more minutes to watch the game
before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm.
This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements
that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when
you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint.
Just say you're welcome.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Maths !
Some Intelligent Maths Equations..........
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The BOSS and YOU !
When you take a long time,
you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time,
he's thorough.
When you don't do it,
you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it,
he's too busy.
When you make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When doing something without being told,
you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing,
that's initiative.
When you take a stand,
you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it,
he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette,
you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules,
he's being original.
When you please your boss,
you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss,
he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office,
you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick,
you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave,
you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked.
you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time,
he's thorough.
When you don't do it,
you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it,
he's too busy.
When you make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When doing something without being told,
you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing,
that's initiative.
When you take a stand,
you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it,
he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette,
you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules,
he's being original.
When you please your boss,
you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss,
he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office,
you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick,
you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave,
you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked.
Monday, January 24, 2005
"SUCCESS"
At Age 4...........Success is........not peeing in your pants
At Age 6...........Success is........finding your way home (from school)
At Age 12.........Success is........having friends
At Age 18.........Success is........having a driver's license
At Age 20.........Success is........having sex
At Age 35.........Success is........having money
At Age 45.........Success is........having money
At Age 55.........Success is........having money
At Age 60.........Success is........having sex
At Age 65.........Success is........keeping a driver's license
At Age 70.........Success is........having friends
At Age 75.........Success is........finding your way home (from anywhere)
At Age 80.........Success is........not peeing your pants
Hmmm...Quite true huh...!?
At Age 6...........Success is........finding your way home (from school)
At Age 12.........Success is........having friends
At Age 18.........Success is........having a driver's license
At Age 20.........Success is........having sex
At Age 35.........Success is........having money
At Age 45.........Success is........having money
At Age 55.........Success is........having money
At Age 60.........Success is........having sex
At Age 65.........Success is........keeping a driver's license
At Age 70.........Success is........having friends
At Age 75.........Success is........finding your way home (from anywhere)
At Age 80.........Success is........not peeing your pants
Hmmm...Quite true huh...!?
Ten Tips For Looking and Feeling Great
Here are 10 Tips you can use Daily!
1. Sleep well. The average adult needs 8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, try meditation, deep breathing, herbal teas (chamomile) or aromatherapy (lavender and clary sage are the best).
2. Eat healthy. A low stress diet (low in fat, starches and sugar) is essential. You are what you eat.Avoid food containing toxics.
3. Have a sense of humor. Laughter really is the best medicine. Read comics. Act silly with a child. Watch a funny movie. Find something to "lighten " your mood each day.( Use rosemary at home)
4. Try something new or wacky. Treat yourself to something different! Take a belly dancing class or woodworking workshop. Dare to do something new always.
5. Keep your cool. Self-control and patience are essential to living a stress-reduced life. You cannot control what people do or say to you, but you can control your own reaction.
6. Stay active. Exercise not only keeps your body looking good, it also releases endorphins. Rejuventate yourself daily by walking or engaging in a fitness program. Meditate cools and destress you.
7. Maintain loving, supportive and positive relationships. Surround yourself with people who share your interests and are encouraging and non-judgmental.
8. Be honest. Lying means always trying to keep up and remember the lie. This can become a major cause of stress.
9. Think positive. Our negative thoughts and fears can be overwhelming. Living with past regrets, guilt or resentment is detrimental to your health. Try changing the way you think, it's difficult, but not impossible.
10. Love yourself. Work on your self-image and self-esteem issues. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness!
1. Sleep well. The average adult needs 8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, try meditation, deep breathing, herbal teas (chamomile) or aromatherapy (lavender and clary sage are the best).
2. Eat healthy. A low stress diet (low in fat, starches and sugar) is essential. You are what you eat.Avoid food containing toxics.
3. Have a sense of humor. Laughter really is the best medicine. Read comics. Act silly with a child. Watch a funny movie. Find something to "lighten " your mood each day.( Use rosemary at home)
4. Try something new or wacky. Treat yourself to something different! Take a belly dancing class or woodworking workshop. Dare to do something new always.
5. Keep your cool. Self-control and patience are essential to living a stress-reduced life. You cannot control what people do or say to you, but you can control your own reaction.
6. Stay active. Exercise not only keeps your body looking good, it also releases endorphins. Rejuventate yourself daily by walking or engaging in a fitness program. Meditate cools and destress you.
7. Maintain loving, supportive and positive relationships. Surround yourself with people who share your interests and are encouraging and non-judgmental.
8. Be honest. Lying means always trying to keep up and remember the lie. This can become a major cause of stress.
9. Think positive. Our negative thoughts and fears can be overwhelming. Living with past regrets, guilt or resentment is detrimental to your health. Try changing the way you think, it's difficult, but not impossible.
10. Love yourself. Work on your self-image and self-esteem issues. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness!
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Heaven and Hell !
Heaven and Hell !
HEAVEN Is when you have:
An American Salary
A British Home
Chinese Food
A Swiss Economy
An Italian Body
Japanese Technology
An African Tool
And an Indian Wife
HELL is when you have:
An American Wife
A British Body
A Chinese Tool
Swiss Food
Italian Technology
A Japanese Home
An African Economy
And an Indian Salary
Paradox of our Time.
A wonderful message by George Carlin
The paradox of our time in history is that
we have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
wider freeways but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge but less judgement;
more experts, yet more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly.
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry,
stay up too late,
get too tired,
read too little,
watch too much tv,
and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values.
We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often.
We have learned how to make a living,
but not a life.
We have added years to life not life to years.
We have gone all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street
to meet a new neighbour.
We have conquered space but not inner space.
We have done larger things, but not better things.
We have clean up the air, but polluted the soul.
We have conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We have learned to rush, but not wait.
We build more computers to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorces;
fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything,
to cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It's time when there is much in the showroom window
and nothing inside in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person, soon will grow up and leave your side, is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
The paradox of our time in history is that
we have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
wider freeways but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge but less judgement;
more experts, yet more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly.
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry,
stay up too late,
get too tired,
read too little,
watch too much tv,
and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values.
We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often.
We have learned how to make a living,
but not a life.
We have added years to life not life to years.
We have gone all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street
to meet a new neighbour.
We have conquered space but not inner space.
We have done larger things, but not better things.
We have clean up the air, but polluted the soul.
We have conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We have learned to rush, but not wait.
We build more computers to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorces;
fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything,
to cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It's time when there is much in the showroom window
and nothing inside in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person, soon will grow up and leave your side, is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Friday, January 21, 2005
BEER better than WOMAN !
15 Reasons why a BEER is better than a WOMAN !
1. A Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another Beer.
2. When you go to a Bar you know you can always
pick up a Beer.
3. A Beer won't get upset if you come home
and have Beer on your breath.
4. You dont have to wine and dine a Beer.
5. If you pour a Beer right you 'll always get good head.
6. (Beer) Hangovers go away.
7. When you're finished with a Beer,
the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
8. You don't have to wash a Beer before it tastes good.
9. A Beer always goes down easy.
10. You can share a Beer with your friends.
11. Beer is always wet!
12. You also know you're the first one to pop a Beer.
13. A frigid Beer is a good Beer.
14. You can have more than one Beer and not feel guilty.
15. You can enjoy a Beer all month long.
Alcohol Warning !
Just a friendly reminder before you guys go out drinking this
weekend........
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to 'thay shings like thish'!?
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear"!
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy!!! HaHa!
***
DRINKING PROBLEM !
Two married buddies are out drinking one night
when one turns to the other
and says,
"You know, I don't know what to do.
"You know, I don't know what to do.
Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking,
I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house,
I sneak up the stairs,
I get undressed in the bathroom.
I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up
and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His friend looks at him
and says,
"It's all in the attitude, buddy.
You're obviously taking the wrong approach.
I screech into the driveway,
slam the front door,
storm up the steps,
throw my clothes on the floor,
jump naked into bed,
slap her on the butt and say,
"Who's horny?"
and she acts like she's sound asleep every time."
Leave me out of this one buster !!!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
SEX is Good for You!
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether
a person is sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away! Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Looking and Feeling Great
Ten Tips For Looking and Feeling Great!
1. Sleep well.
The average adult needs 8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, try meditation, deep breathing, herbal teas (chamomile) or aromatherapy (lavender and clary sage are the best).
2. Eat healthy.
A low stress diet (low in fat, starches and sugar) is essential. You are what you eat. Avoid food containing toxics.
3. Have a sense of humor.
Laughter really is the best medicine. Read comics. Act silly with a child. Watch a funny movie. Find something to
"lighten" your mood each day. (Use rosemary at home)
4. Try something new or wacky.
Treat yourself to something different! Take a belly dancing class or woodworking workshop. Dare to do something new always.
5. Keep your cool.
Self-control and patience are essential to living a stress-reduced life. You can not control what people do or say to you, but you can control your own reaction.
6. Stay active.
Exercise not only keeps your body looking good, it also releases endorphins. Rejuventate yourself daily by walking or engaging in a fitness program. Meditate cools and destress you.
7. Maintain loving, supportive and positive relationships.
Surround yourself with people who share your interests and are encouraging and non-judgmental.
8. Be honest.
Lying means always trying to keep up and remember the lie. This can become a major cause of stress.
9. Think positive.
Our negative thoughts and fears can be overwhelming. Living with past regrets, guilt or resentment is detrimental to your health. Try changing the way you think, it's difficult, but not impossible.
10. Love yourself.
Work on your self-image and self-esteem issues. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
CONSUMER ACTION !
10 Things Your Architect Won't Tell You
1. "Having an architecture degree and having a license are two very different things."
2. "You may not need me at all."
3. "If I can't read your mind, I'll just design things my way."
4. "I see your budget as an opening bid."
5. "My payment plan may take advantage of you."
6. "My drawings aren't really builder-ready."
7. "I often don't know what things cost."
8. "Your contractor and I have communication issues."
9. "Once the blueprint's done, I'm outta here."
10. "A package deal can be a package mess."
URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/10things/index.cfm?story=october2004
***
10 Things Your Interior Designer Won't Tell You
1. "My qualifications? Well . . . my friends say I have good taste."
2. "I'll decorate in my style, not yours."
3. "I'll redesign your budget."
4. "You have no idea how much that sofa really costs."
5. "My hourly rate will make you see red."
6. "Shop at the right stores and you'll pay less for designers."
7. "My contractors will cost you."
8. "You and I have different perceptions of time."
9. "Custom-made can make a big mess."
10. "If I botch your project, good luck getting reparations."
URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/consumer/index.cfm?story=tenthings-november03
***
10 Things Your Lawyer Won't Tell You
1. "You might win your lawsuit and wind up with nothing."
2. "Gee, I don't know much about the law..."
3. "...but I'd sure like to get to know you better."
4. "Okay, I've made some mistakes. Good luck finding them!"
5. "I never win."
6. "I won't take your chump-change case."
7. "I charge as much as you'll let me."
8. "You may be better off without me."
9. "Wanna sue me? Oops — you signed that away."
10. "And even if you can sue, you can't win."
URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/consumer/index.cfm?story=tenthings-october03
Monday, January 17, 2005
FUN on MEN + WOMEN!
"HE Said / SHE Said"!
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra;
you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . .That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . . What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
Written on a wall in a ladies room . . ."My husband
follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . ."I do not!"
Q . . . How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A . . . Both of them.
Q . . . How does a man show that he is planning
for the future?
A . . . He buys two cases of Beer!!!
Q . . . What is the difference between men and
government bonds?
A . . . The bonds mature.
Q . . . Why are blonde jokes so short?
A . . . So men can remember them.
Q . . . How many men does it take to change a roll
of toilet paper?
A . . . We don't know; it has never happened.
Q . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A . . . They already have boyfriends.
Q . . . What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A . . . A widow.
Q . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
A . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and
go to the fridge.
Q . . . What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A . . . They're married.
***
Man says to God:
"God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her."
"But God,"
the man says,
"why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:
"So she would love you."
Tips for Women!
Ways to Turn Down Men.
Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.
Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.
Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.
Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?
Man: Shall we go see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
***
Men never learn!?
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly,
Men never learn!?
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly,
widower father dies, a Man decided he needed a woman
to enjoy it with.
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman
whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die
and I'll inherit
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die
and I'll inherit
20 million dollars."
The woman went home with him, and the next day
The woman went home with him, and the next day
she became
his stepmother!
Will Men ever learn.....?
his stepmother!
Will Men ever learn.....?
Men are hard to please!
The Problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.(Village)
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.
If u Don't Love Him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love Him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u Don't Make Love with him, he says u Don't Love Him;
If u Do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u Don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to guys,
they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't,
they say u are selfish.....
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Who Understands MEN?
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome,
but are nice men with money think we are only
after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are
after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice
and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are
beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful,
that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money,
are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome,
somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and
NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when
we take the initiative.
NOW.....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome,
but are nice men with money think we are only
after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are
after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice
and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are
beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful,
that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money,
are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome,
somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and
NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when
we take the initiative.
NOW.....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Beauty Of a Woman
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figures she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole.
But true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives.
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman, with passing years...only grows.
***
An English Professor wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing",
on the blackboard and directed the students
to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:
"woman, without her man, is nothing".
The woman wrote:
"woman, without her, man is nothing".
the figures she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole.
But true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives.
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman, with passing years...only grows.
***
An English Professor wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing",
on the blackboard and directed the students
to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:
"woman, without her man, is nothing".
The woman wrote:
"woman, without her, man is nothing".
Women over 30!
....to all Women who are over 30!!!
Written by Andy Rooney
from CBS 60 Minutes
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age,
Written by Andy Rooney
from CBS 60 Minutes
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age,
I value women who are over 30 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle
Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle
of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?".
She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,
she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do.
And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,
she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do.
And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough
to be assured in who she is, what she is,
what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 30 give a damn
Few women past the age of 30 give a damn
what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified.
Women over 30 are dignified.
They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it,
Of course, if you deserve it,
they won't hesitate to shoot you,
if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance
to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore
even her best friend
because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted
to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age.
Women get psychic as they age.
You never have to confess your sins
to a woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
a woman over 30 is far sexier
than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest.
Older women are forthright and honest.
They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk
if you are acting like one!
You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of 30+,
there is a bald,
paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.....Andy Rooney
Ladies, I apologize.....Andy Rooney
***
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free".
Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire Pig,
just to get a little sausage...
Marriage Life!
WIVES !
Picking On The Wife
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
"Always".
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Then there was a man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Friday, January 14, 2005
The RULES!
The Rules...men style!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1.Saturday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
We have no idea what taupe is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1.Saturday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
We have no idea what taupe is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
CAPITALISM AROUND THE WORLD.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...
A MEXICAN CORPORATION
You think you have two cows but you don't know what a cow looks like.
You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die.
You blame the godless American infidels.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You declare them 'halal', proceed to eat them and blame the government for not protecting 'Bumis'.
...............and finally..................
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have to buy a $30,000 certificate of entitlement each.
You are taxed for the milk the cows produce.
You are charged for parking the cows and fined for not cleaning up after them.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...
A MEXICAN CORPORATION
You think you have two cows but you don't know what a cow looks like.
You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die.
You blame the godless American infidels.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You declare them 'halal', proceed to eat them and blame the government for not protecting 'Bumis'.
...............and finally..................
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have to buy a $30,000 certificate of entitlement each.
You are taxed for the milk the cows produce.
You are charged for parking the cows and fined for not cleaning up after them.
Monday, January 10, 2005
MALAYSIA BOLEH !
See Note: Women in Kuala Lumpur are the best endowed, with cup sizes bigger than those of New York and Taipei women, according to a survey done in 12 cities by lingerie company Wacoal.
MALAYSIA BOLEH!
Malaysia Can!
Malaysian Wife is Perfect !?
7 Qualities required to be a Perfect Wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful and
Self-organized.
In short, She must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S.
MALAYSIAN DRIVERS
Habits of Malaysian Drivers!
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: IPOH driver.
2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette: KEPONG driver.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Downtown KUALA LUMPUR driver.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang, foot solidly on accelerator: JOHOR driver.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, hands-free on the lap: BANGSAR driver.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: FOREIGNER driving in MALAYSIA.
7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, talking on cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SUBANG JAYA driver...on the Federal Highway!!!
8. One hand on wheel, one hand on passengers head rest, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing rambutans or durian shells out the window: KUANTAN driver...on Karak Highway!!!
9. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, 'ready-to-kill' attitude, rear window stickers read "Make my day", beer cans on floor, wedding ribbon still attached to antenna: PUCHONG driver...at Construction Site!
10. One hand on the handphone, another hand picking nose, One leg on the dash board, another leg crossed on the seat with a beer can in the middle ~ turning anywhere he likes, parking anywhere he likes, in fact, driving
anywhere he likes. Aaahhh.....this is a heaven for drivers...welcome to PENANG!
11. Two hands gripping tightly to the wheel, eyes glued on the windscreen, alternately stepping on the accelerator and brakes every 5 seconds.....WOMAN Driver!
TSUNAMI...Tragedy is the mother of Change
Tragedies, such as the one caused by the Tsunami [Japanese tsu, (port) and nami, (wave)], bring out the best and worse in people: from heroic salvation stories and generous donations by poor people, to donation scams, politics, to organised trade in orphaned minors. Still, one could say that civilisation itself has been molded through disasters and tragedy, natural or man-inflicted; paraphrasing Heraclitus, tragedy is the father of all.
The world community, as represented by the UN, should focus on implementing positive permanent changes through this disaster: not just the much talked-about missing Indian Ocean tsunami warning system - a tsunami may indeed not happen for another three generations in the area - but in terms of meeting the more pressing everyday needs of education, sanitation, health for the impoverished masses of Asia (and Africa, that should not be forgotten). The devastation may have not made any separation between rich and poor, young and old, local or foreign - and in that it is similar to a hundred Titanics - but it is the surviving poorer residents who will find it harder to cope with the aftermath. And like the Titanic, it was an accident that could have been prevented, with proper information, training, communication, and above all education.
Our thoughts are with the victims of the tsunami disaster.
The best that each of us can do in the memory of all victims,
in the years to come is to put pressure where we can,
so that every person in the affected areas,
and beyond, from now on gets access to a decent job
and a decent life, and so that a better type of tourism,
that can provide such means to all,
emerges from the ruins of the tsunami.
From ECOCLUB INTERNATIONAL ECOTOURISM
CHARITY
Let us give, so that we will have!
There is no culture or religion
which does not preach the goodness of doing charity.
One of the things we were taught in school
There is no culture or religion
which does not preach the goodness of doing charity.
One of the things we were taught in school
was that you do not help people because
you expect something in return.
You help people because they need help.
* * *
You help people because they need help.
* * *
What I spent, I had;
What I saved, I lost;
What I gave, I have.
Canadian George Moore
* * *
Philanthropy is "the love of mankind".
There is no greater calling than to give oneself
into the lives of others,
for in the end, it is only people that last.
In the act of giving to those around us,
we extend nothing short of hope;
and hope is the greatest gift that we can give."
Malcolm Forbes
* * *
In the end,
we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
* * *
The Master has no possessions.
The more he does for others,
the happier he is.
The more he gives to others,
the wealthier he is.
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Lao-tzu
**********
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
* * *
The Master has no possessions.
The more he does for others,
the happier he is.
The more he gives to others,
the wealthier he is.
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Lao-tzu
**********
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
TIME
For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time
to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time
to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time to war, and a time to peace.
* Ecclesiastes *
Saturday, January 08, 2005
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
I know some of us don't want to be reminded of our age.
But looking on the bright side,
there are some advantages of being over 50.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4.. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?
5.. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9.. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10.. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11.. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12.. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13.. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
15.. You sing along with elevator music.
16.. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17.. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
18.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
19.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
20.. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21.. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Some truth to this list...!?
Then what about Perk of being over 80?
You don't have (m)any enemy left to quarrel with!
But looking on the bright side,
there are some advantages of being over 50.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4.. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?
5.. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9.. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10.. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11.. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12.. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13.. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
15.. You sing along with elevator music.
16.. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17.. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
18.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
19.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
20.. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21.. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Some truth to this list...!?
Then what about Perk of being over 80?
You don't have (m)any enemy left to quarrel with!
IMPRESSING a WOMAN / MAN
How to IMPRESS a WOMAN -
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to IMPRESS a MAN -
Show up naked! Bring beer!
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to IMPRESS a MAN -
Show up naked! Bring beer!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
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