Whilst contemplating in the Hogs Head......
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this Beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
"When I read about the evils of drinking,
I gave up reading."
"24 hours in a day, and 24 bottles in a case of beer.
Coincidence? I think not."
"When wedrink (beer), we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
"Beeris proof that God loves us and wants us to behappy."
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
Remember "I" before "E" except in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!"
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!!
1. Give him lots of SEX (very.very.very important!)
2. Feed him well.
3. Let him have the remote control.
4. Leave him in peace.
Good anti-dote to ponder in life and
we should all carry around and hold tight
The most destructive habit..................................Worry
The greatest Joy.................................................Giving
The greatest loss............................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.........................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait...........................Selfishness
The most endangered species..............Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource.........................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"...............Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome..........................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill..................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease......................Excuses
The most powerful force in life................................Love
The most dangerous pariah............................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer................The brain
The worst thing to be without............................... Hope
The deadliest weapon....................................The tongue
The two most power-filled words.........................."I Can"
The greatest asset..................................................Faith
The most worthless emotion...............................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire......................................SMILE!
The most prized possession...............................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communicatio...........Prayer
The most contagious spirit............................Enthusiasm
To the WORLD, YOU may be ONE person;
but to ONE person, YOU may be the WORLD!
'HOW to be happy' is an unusual subject for investment advice, but a bank analyst's note on the topic caught London's attention on Friday.
The suggestions for improving happiness was sent to clients by Mr James Montier, a global equity strategist at German investment bank Dresdner Kleinwort.
The tips included devoting time and effort to close relationships, meditating on the good things in life, getting enough sleep and, yes, 'have sex (preferably with someone you love)'.
The unusual advice was sent out in a strategy memo normally dealing with topics such as valuation and US markets - or how to make more money, according to London news reports.
The memo, instead, explores what it means to be happy, with 'Don't equate money with happiness' as the top tip.
Dresdner's 10 tips for happiness
1. Don't equate happiness with money.
2. Exercise regularly.
3. Have sex.
4. Devote time and effort to close relationships.
5. Pause for reflection, meditate on the good things in life.
6. Seek work that engages your skills, look to enjoy your job.
7. Give your body the sleep it needs.
8. Don't pursue happiness for its own sake, enjoy the moment.
9. Take control of your life, set achievable goals.
10.Remember to follow rules 1-9.
5 golden rules for finding your life partner by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.
When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again, You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding & keeping a lifepartner.
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing." So ask about your significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Malaysia English vs Britain English ... Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.
The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing:
So, why make things so confusing and waste of money
when you are on a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen?...Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it, here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Hoi!!! u 'ayam'(*other animals) ar, lidat also doe know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Celaka u ...*followed by some common swearing phases!
Many seek happiness in wealth, fame, relationships, even drugs-and, of course, they fail.
How CAN we be happy?
In his most inspirational best-selling book to date, Dr. Robert H. Schuller, the spiritual host of the weekly telecast "The Hour of Power," probes the Beatitudes for the answer-and discovers eight universal positive mental attitudes that have been used for their healing value through the ages.
Through them, you can make real happiness truly possible.
The Be Happy Attitudes
1) I Need Help - I Cant Do It Alone. Learn two miracle-working statements: "I need help" and "I am sorry."
2) Im Really Hurting - But I Am Going To Bounce Back. Learn that when bad things happen to good people, they become better people.
3) Im Going To Remain Cool, Calm, And Corrected. "Blessed are the Meek..." is a poor translation. "Meek" in the Bible means: mighty, stable. kind,
4) I Really Want To Do The Right Thing. Learn how to adopt a "Go for it" attitude toward your life and dreams.
5) Im Going To Treat Others The Way I Want Them To Treat Me. Learn how to heal your hidden wounds, and allow them to turn you into a better person.
6) Ive Got To Let The Faith Flow Free Through Me. Learn how to know God better and overcome doubt. Faith makes love a possibility. Love makes miracles happen.
7) I'm Going To Be A Bridge Builder. Learn how to make peace with yourself before becoming a peacemaker for others.
8) Learn how to remain positive and pardon those who persecute you, even when all else fails.
Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.
I went bankrupt from bounced cheques that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.
It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse.
OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT... IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.
This is my first posting in this Blog.
A warm Welcome to All visitors.
Hope you will return again soon to join in the Fun!
Great way to keep in touch too!
The Art of Happiness: Whether one believes in religion or not,
whether one believes in this religion or that religion,
the very purpose of our life is happiness,
the very motion of our life is towards happiness.
-- H.H. the Dalai Lama