Saturday, December 11, 2004
THANK YOU MY FRIENDS
MERRY CHRISTMAS + HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2004!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.
I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.
I went bankrupt from bounced cheques that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.
It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse.
OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT... IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.
Here's to an even better informed 2005!