Sunday, February 20, 2005
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes,
it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde is walking down the street with her
blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you
for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." He says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD,
I left the baby on the bus again!"
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
"how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river
then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a
speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see
that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "it's A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American,
and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what?
We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other
and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,
you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice
and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"
The blonde reported for her university final
examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes
and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin,
marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her
and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour,
but now I'm rechecking my answers."
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
attractive blond female neighbor came out of the
house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back
into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box and again, opened it,
slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came again, marched to the mail box,
opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? this is a beauty .)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."