Diary of a Man

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory.

I am not able to remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men

- "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together.

6. Panties not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life:

Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. I

f you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?

Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus,

it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

19. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",

many men still sleep with their wives !!!