Alcohol Warning !

Just a friendly reminder before you guys go out drinking this
weekend........

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to 'thay shings like thish'!?

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear"!

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy!!! HaHa!

***

DRINKING PROBLEM !

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

when one turns to the other

and says,

"You know, I don't know what to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking,

I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.

I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house,

I sneak up the stairs,

I get undressed in the bathroom.

I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up

and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him

and says,

"It's all in the attitude, buddy.

You're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway,

slam the front door,

storm up the steps,

throw my clothes on the floor,

jump naked into bed,

slap her on the butt and say,

"Who's horny?"

and she acts like she's sound asleep every time."

Leave me out of this one buster !!!