Monday, June 11, 2012

Humour for Smart People


Humour for Smart People
 
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition.
 
Here are the Winners:
 
  1. CASHTRATION (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
  2. IGNORANUS: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole
  3. INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with
  4. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
  5. BOZONE (N) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future
  6. FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
  7. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very very high
  8. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it
  9. INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
  10. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)
  11. KARMAGEDDON: It’s like when everybody is sending off all these really bade vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer
  12. DECAFALON; (N) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
  13. GLIBIDO All talk and no action
  14. DOPELER EFFECT The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapdly
  15. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web
  16. BEELZEBUG (n) Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets in your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
  17. CATERPALLOR (n) The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating
 
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words;
 
1 COFFEE,(n) the person upon whom one coughs
2 FLABBERGASTED (adj) Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3 ABDICATE (v) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4 ESPLANADE (v) To attempt an explanation whilst drunk
5 WILLY-NILLY (adj) Impotent
6 NEGLIGENT (adj) Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7 LYMPH, (v) to walk with a lisp
8 GARGOYLE (n) Olive-flavoured mouthwash
9 FLATULENCE Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller
10 BALDERSASH (n) A rapidly receding hairline
11 TESTICLE (n) A humerous question on an exam
12 RECTITUDE (n) The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
13 POKEMON (N) a Rastafarian proctologist
14 OYSTER (n) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
15 FRISBEETARIANISM (n) the belief that after death the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16 CIRCUMVENT          (N) An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

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