The Washington Post’s
Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a
new definition.
Here are the
Winners:
- CASHTRATION (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of
time.
- IGNORANUS: A person who’s both stupid and an
asshole
- INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realise it was your money to start with
- REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a
hillbilly
- BOZONE (N) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future
- FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid
- GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very very
high
- SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn’t get it
- INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late
- OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit)
- KARMAGEDDON: It’s like when everybody is sending off all these really
bade vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious
bummer
- DECAFALON; (N) The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you
- GLIBIDO All talk and no action
- DOPELER EFFECT The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapdly
- ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web
- BEELZEBUG (n) Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets in your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast
out
- CATERPALLOR (n) The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you’re eating
The Washington Post has
also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers
are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words;
1 COFFEE,(n) the person
upon whom one coughs
2 FLABBERGASTED (adj)
Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained
3 ABDICATE (v) To give up
all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4 ESPLANADE (v) To
attempt an explanation whilst drunk
5 WILLY-NILLY (adj)
Impotent
6 NEGLIGENT (adj)
Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown
7 LYMPH, (v) to walk with
a lisp
8 GARGOYLE (n)
Olive-flavoured mouthwash
9 FLATULENCE Emergency
vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a
steamroller
10 BALDERSASH (n) A
rapidly receding hairline
11 TESTICLE (n) A
humerous question on an exam
12 RECTITUDE (n) The
formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists
13 POKEMON (N) a
Rastafarian proctologist
14 OYSTER (n) A person
who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms
15 FRISBEETARIANISM (n)
the belief that after death the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
there.
16 CIRCUMVENT
(N) An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men