'Next Life'
***
by Woody Allen
*
In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
.
Then you wake up in an old people's home
feeling better every day.
.
You get kicked out for being too healthy,
go collect your pension,
and then when you start work,
you get a goldwatch and a party on your first day.
.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough
to enjoy your retirement.
.
You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous,
then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school,
you become a kid, you play.
.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby
until you are born.
.
And then you spend your last 9 months
floating in luxurious spa like conditions
with central heating and room service on tap,
larger quarters every day and then Voila!
.
You finish off as an orgasm!
*
I rest my case.
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