At Pantai Remis Open House.

CNY 2nd Day Lunch at Pui San+Chin Yong House

Brother KY CNY 2nd Day Dinner at New Lee How Fook.
My Wife Mei Wan with Sister-in-laws No 1, 3 + 7.

CNY 3rd Day

Brother KH Open House on CNY 3rd Day.

Pretty Girls at No 10 Brother Open House!
Our Niece Lim Pui Sue + the Ong Sisters.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

to

Friends + Relatives


KL Lim Home

Happy + Proserous Chinese New Year!

Click Link below to Play:

http://www.shiroku.com/ecard/cny_ecard.html

Year of the Rooster * 2005

Happy Rooster!!!

Year of the Rooster.

"Xin Nian Kuai Le, Wan Shi Ru Yi"
*Happy Chinese New Year, May a Thousand Goodness Come In Your Way*

"The year 2005 is the Year of the Rooster, according to the Chinese Zodiac.
The rooster has traditionally been considered to be a good sign as its crow meant the break of dawn, the beginning of a fresh start.
People believed that ghosts and evil spirits afraid of the light would disappear when a rooster crowed.
Thus, even though roosters were raised for food, it was also a spiritual animal that drove away demons.

Among the 12 animals of the Chinese zodiac, the rooster is the only one with wings. It has been regarded as the messenger that connects the two worlds, heaven and earth.
The rooster is historically known to have five virtues: knowledge, military expertise, courage, benevolence and credibility.

The rooster's crest is called "pyosul" in Korean and "kwan" in Chinese, which means coronet as well as government post.
The coronet on its head represents the pen meaning knowledge, while its claw symbolizes the sword, corresponding to military skills. When confronted by an enemy, it fights till the end without ever retreating, testifying to its quality of courage.
Also, when the rooster finds food, it cries out and shares it with other animals, showing benevolence.
Lastly, it never fails to crow on time, informing people of the break of day, demonstrating great credibility."

***

GONG XI FA CAI

May the Year of the Rooster be a Healthy,
Prosperous and Happy Year
for You and Your Family.

Beauty of English!

Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other
in a sentence can lead to a nice story?

Here's an example:

Oh John please don't touch me at all...!
Oh John please don't touch me at...!
Oh John please don't touch...!
Oh John please don't...!
Oh John please...!
Oh John..!
Ohhh......!!!!!!!!!!

The Top 10 Favorite Quotes:

1. "It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing
for evil to triumph,"
Edmund Burke (attributed)

2. "Tread softly because you tread on my dreams,"
William Butler Yeats, 1899

3. "Any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in Mankind;
And therefore never send to know f
or whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee,"
John Donne, 1624

4. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
-- I took the one less traveled by,"
Robert Frost, 1916

5. "I have a dream,"
Martin Luther King, 1963

6. "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely," Lord Acton, 1887

7. "To lose one parent ... may be regarded as a misfortune;
to lose both looks like carelessness,"
Oscar Wilde, 1895

8. "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,"
Rudyard Kipling, 1910

9. "It is a truth universally acknowledged,
that a single man in possession of a good fortune,
must be in want of a wife,"
Jane Austen, 1813

Note: No. 10 of the Top 10' list... was missing from the article...!?

***

Men are Four:

He who knows and knows not that he knows.
He is asleep; wake him.

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not.
He is a fool; shun him.

He who knows not and knows that he knows not.
He is a child; teach him.

He who knows and knows that he knows.
He is a king; follow him.

-Chinese proverb-


This should be added:

He who knows, when he should know not.
He is a KPC; whack him!

Depressed?

For those days when you want to **** it all..............!!!

What a coincidence!

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat
at the bar next to a female patron.
He turned to her and said, "This is a special day,
I'm celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman,
"I'm celebrating too."
She clinked glasses with him and said,
"What are you celebrating?"

"I'm a chicken farmer," he replied.
"For months all my hens were infertile,
but today they're finally fertile."

"What a coincidence," the woman said.
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child.
Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant.

How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched cocks." he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

The Wedding Test!

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year
when we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way,
and my friends encouraged me.
My girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me.
That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age,
wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me,
and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over
to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married,
and she had feelings and desires for me that she could
not overcome and did not really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me
just once before I got married and committed my life
to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,
and if you want to go ahead with it
just come up and get me."

I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties
and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment,
then turned and went straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house
and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said,
"We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!

MARRIAGE!

Who to Marry?

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating! In the first year of marriage,
the man Speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about something You say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Chinese Painter LI KERAN

HAPPINESS is
Owning One of Li Keran's Buffalo Painting!

Buffalo by Li Keran 

Li Keran Painting

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.


FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given 5 more minutes to watch the game
before helping around the house.


NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm.
This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"


GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.


LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing".


THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements
that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when
you will pay for your mistake.


THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint.
Just say you're welcome.

Maths !

Some Intelligent Maths Equations..........


ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.

WORK or Get Fired!

2005 Incentive Plan for my office GRA!?

What is a Boss !?

Full of SHIT lah!

The BOSS is always Right !

Rules to Remember!

The BOSS and YOU !

When you take a long time,
you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time,
he's thorough.

When you don't do it,
you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it,
he's too busy.

When you make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When doing something without being told,
you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing,
that's initiative.

When you take a stand,
you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it,
he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette,
you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules,
he's being original.

When you please your boss,
you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss,
he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office,
you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick,
you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave,
you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked.

HURT!

Take Years to Heal.

"SUCCESS"

At Age 4...........Success is........not peeing in your pants
At Age 6...........Success is........finding your way home (from school)
At Age 12.........Success is........having friends
At Age 18.........Success is........having a driver's license
At Age 20.........Success is........having sex
At Age 35.........Success is........having money
At Age 45.........Success is........having money
At Age 55.........Success is........having money
At Age 60.........Success is........having sex
At Age 65.........Success is........keeping a driver's license
At Age 70.........Success is........having friends
At Age 75.........Success is........finding your way home (from anywhere)
At Age 80.........Success is........not peeing your pants

Hmmm...Quite true huh...!?

Ten Tips For Looking and Feeling Great

Here are 10 Tips you can use Daily!

1. Sleep well. The average adult needs 8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, try meditation, deep breathing, herbal teas (chamomile) or aromatherapy (lavender and clary sage are the best).

2. Eat healthy. A low stress diet (low in fat, starches and sugar) is essential. You are what you eat.Avoid food containing toxics.

3. Have a sense of humor. Laughter really is the best medicine. Read comics. Act silly with a child. Watch a funny movie. Find something to "lighten " your mood each day.( Use rosemary at home)

4. Try something new or wacky. Treat yourself to something different! Take a belly dancing class or woodworking workshop. Dare to do something new always.

5. Keep your cool. Self-control and patience are essential to living a stress-reduced life. You cannot control what people do or say to you, but you can control your own reaction.

6. Stay active. Exercise not only keeps your body looking good, it also releases endorphins. Rejuventate yourself daily by walking or engaging in a fitness program. Meditate cools and destress you.

7. Maintain loving, supportive and positive relationships. Surround yourself with people who share your interests and are encouraging and non-judgmental.

8. Be honest. Lying means always trying to keep up and remember the lie. This can become a major cause of stress.

9. Think positive. Our negative thoughts and fears can be overwhelming. Living with past regrets, guilt or resentment is detrimental to your health. Try changing the way you think, it's difficult, but not impossible.

10. Love yourself. Work on your self-image and self-esteem issues. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness!

Heaven and Hell !

Heaven and Hell !

HEAVEN Is when you have:
An American Salary
A British Home
Chinese Food
A Swiss Economy
An Italian Body
Japanese Technology
An African Tool
And an Indian Wife

HELL is when you have:
An American Wife
A British Body
A Chinese Tool
Swiss Food
Italian Technology
A Japanese Home
An African Economy
And an Indian Salary

Paradox of our Time.

A wonderful message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that
we have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
wider freeways but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge but less judgement;
more experts, yet more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly.
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry,
stay up too late,
get too tired,
read too little,
watch too much tv,
and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values.
We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often.
We have learned how to make a living,
but not a life.
We have added years to life not life to years.

We have gone all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street
to meet a new neighbour.

We have conquered space but not inner space.
We have done larger things, but not better things.
We have clean up the air, but polluted the soul.
We have conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We have learned to rush, but not wait.

We build more computers to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorces;
fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything,
to cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It's time when there is much in the showroom window
and nothing inside in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person, soon will grow up and leave your side, is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

BEER better than WOMAN !

15 Reasons why a BEER is better than a WOMAN !

1. A Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another Beer.
2. When you go to a Bar you know you can always
pick up a Beer.
3. A Beer won't get upset if you come home
and have Beer on your breath.
4. You dont have to wine and dine a Beer.
5. If you pour a Beer right you 'll always get good head.
6. (Beer) Hangovers go away.
7. When you're finished with a Beer,
the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
8. You don't have to wash a Beer before it tastes good.
9. A Beer always goes down easy.
10. You can share a Beer with your friends.
11. Beer is always wet!
12. You also know you're the first one to pop a Beer.
13. A frigid Beer is a good Beer.
14. You can have more than one Beer and not feel guilty.
15. You can enjoy a Beer all month long.

Alcohol Warning !

Just a friendly reminder before you guys go out drinking this
weekend........

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to 'thay shings like thish'!?

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear"!

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy!!! HaHa!

***

DRINKING PROBLEM !

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

when one turns to the other

and says,

"You know, I don't know what to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking,

I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.

I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house,

I sneak up the stairs,

I get undressed in the bathroom.

I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up

and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him

and says,

"It's all in the attitude, buddy.

You're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway,

slam the front door,

storm up the steps,

throw my clothes on the floor,

jump naked into bed,

slap her on the butt and say,

"Who's horny?"

and she acts like she's sound asleep every time."

Leave me out of this one buster !!!

CHEERS to BEER !

Men drinking Beers!

and also to TEQUILA!

Women drinking Tequila!

SEX is Good for You!

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether
a person is sexually active or not?

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away! Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Looking and Feeling Great

Ten Tips For Looking and Feeling Great!

1. Sleep well.
The average adult needs 8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, try meditation, deep breathing, herbal teas (chamomile) or aromatherapy (lavender and clary sage are the best).

2. Eat healthy.
A low stress diet (low in fat, starches and sugar) is essential. You are what you eat. Avoid food containing toxics.

3. Have a sense of humor.
Laughter really is the best medicine. Read comics. Act silly with a child. Watch a funny movie. Find something to
"lighten" your mood each day. (Use rosemary at home)

4. Try something new or wacky.
Treat yourself to something different! Take a belly dancing class or woodworking workshop. Dare to do something new always.

5. Keep your cool.
Self-control and patience are essential to living a stress-reduced life. You can not control what people do or say to you, but you can control your own reaction.

6. Stay active.
Exercise not only keeps your body looking good, it also releases endorphins. Rejuventate yourself daily by walking or engaging in a fitness program. Meditate cools and destress you.

7. Maintain loving, supportive and positive relationships.
Surround yourself with people who share your interests and are encouraging and non-judgmental.

8. Be honest.
Lying means always trying to keep up and remember the lie. This can become a major cause of stress.

9. Think positive.
Our negative thoughts and fears can be overwhelming. Living with past regrets, guilt or resentment is detrimental to your health. Try changing the way you think, it's difficult, but not impossible.

10. Love yourself.
Work on your self-image and self-esteem issues. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness!

NEVER be AFRAID !

To Say WHAT???

CONSUMER ACTION !

10 Things Your Architect Won't Tell You

1. "Having an architecture degree and having a license are two very different things."

2. "You may not need me at all."

3. "If I can't read your mind, I'll just design things my way."

4. "I see your budget as an opening bid."

5. "My payment plan may take advantage of you."

6. "My drawings aren't really builder-ready."

7. "I often don't know what things cost."

8. "Your contractor and I have communication issues."

9. "Once the blueprint's done, I'm outta here."

10. "A package deal can be a package mess."

URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/10things/index.cfm?story=october2004

***

10 Things Your Interior Designer Won't Tell You

1. "My qualifications? Well . . . my friends say I have good taste."

2. "I'll decorate in my style, not yours."

3. "I'll redesign your budget."

4. "You have no idea how much that sofa really costs."

5. "My hourly rate will make you see red."

6. "Shop at the right stores and you'll pay less for designers."

7. "My contractors will cost you."

8. "You and I have different perceptions of time."

9. "Custom-made can make a big mess."

10. "If I botch your project, good luck getting reparations."

URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/consumer/index.cfm?story=tenthings-november03

***

10 Things Your Lawyer Won't Tell You

1. "You might win your lawsuit and wind up with nothing."

2. "Gee, I don't know much about the law..."

3. "...but I'd sure like to get to know you better."

4. "Okay, I've made some mistakes. Good luck finding them!"

5. "I never win."

6. "I won't take your chump-change case."

7. "I charge as much as you'll let me."

8. "You may be better off without me."

9. "Wanna sue me? Oops — you signed that away."

10. "And even if you can sue, you can't win."

URL: http://www.smartmoney.com/consumer/index.cfm?story=tenthings-october03

ONE for ALL, ALL for ONE !!!

ONE for ALL for ONE...a new Religion!?

FUN on MEN + WOMEN!

"HE Said / SHE Said"!

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra;
you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . .That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Written on a wall in a ladies room . . ."My husband
follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . ."I do not!"

Q . . . How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A . . . Both of them.

Q . . . How does a man show that he is planning
for the future?
A . . . He buys two cases of Beer!!!

Q . . . What is the difference between men and
government bonds?
A . . . The bonds mature.

Q . . . Why are blonde jokes so short?
A . . . So men can remember them.

Q . . . How many men does it take to change a roll
of toilet paper?
A . . . We don't know; it has never happened.

Q . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A . . . They already have boyfriends.

Q . . . What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A . . . A widow.

Q . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
A . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and
go to the fridge.

Q . . . What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A . . . They're married.

***

Man says to God:
"God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her."
"But God,"
the man says,
"why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:
"So she would love you."

Tips for Women!

Ways to Turn Down Men.

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Man: Shall we go see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

***

Men never learn!?

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly,

widower father dies, a Man decided he needed a woman

to enjoy it with.
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman

whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die
and I'll inherit

20 million dollars."

The woman went home with him, and the next day

she became
his stepmother!

Will Men ever learn.....?

A Man is like a deck of Playing Cards!

Men are hard to please!

The Problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.(Village)
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.
If u Don't Love Him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love Him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u Don't Make Love with him, he says u Don't Love Him;
If u Do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u Don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please!!!!!

If u send this to guys,
they will swear that it's not true.......
but if u don't,
they say u are selfish.....

Who Understands MEN?

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome,
but are nice men with money think we are only
after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are
after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice
and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are
beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful,
that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money,
are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome,
somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and
NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when
we take the initiative.

NOW.....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with.