Insights on sex!!!

"Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances
for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices
which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation.
The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me
a son-of-a-bi*ch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks
or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex,
no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush
(Former US First Lady, and you didn't

think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning
to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do
undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental,
where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, 'I know what I'm doing.
Just show me somebody naked'."
Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex,
I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome,
beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school
until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day
by a middle-aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention
of getting married."
George Burns

In-Laws Dinner in Ipoh on 14th May 2005

Su-Ann and Si Siew at In-Laws Dinner in Ipoh

Introduction to In-Laws. 

Time for 'Jum Cha'. 

Karaoke Time after Dinner.

Dancing too! 

More Karaoke at Ipoh Pub!

Happy Su-Ann and Si Siew!  

Sunday Lunch

Sunday Lunch at Brother KK's House.

Brother KK and Guests at Lunch. 

If You Love Something Variations

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

"PEANUTS" COMIC STRIP!

Created by Charles Schultz

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz,
the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.

You don't have to actually answer the questions.
GOOD POINT...TRUST YOU KNOWING ALL THE ANSWERS.
Just read the questions straight through,
and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish.
Acheivements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey
through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life
are not the ones with the most credentials,
the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia."
.....Charles Schultz

Rearrange the Letters!

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

***

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!

Old Friends in Ipoh!

Happy to meet up and have a drink with my Old Ipoh Friends,
from left TL Wan, PK Leong and Sum Kow.

CHALLENGES!

"Man thrives, oddly enough,
only in the presence of a challenging environment."
- L. Ron Hubbard

It was observed by L. Ron Hubbard in the early 1950's.

As soon as you reach your goals,
such as finding a wonderful mate,
starting a successful company,
paying off your debts or whatever,
you might lose your passion.
You don't need to work so hard, so you relax.

You experience the same problem as lottery winners
who waste their money,
wealthy heirs who never grow up
and bored homemakers who get addicted
to prescription drugs.

***

The Benefits of a Challenge

The more intelligent, persistent and competent you are,
the more you enjoy a good problem.
If your challenges are the correct size,
and if you are steadily conquering those challenges,
you are happy.
You think of your challenges and get energized.
You are excited to try new solutions.
You have fun. You are alive!

THE MUSIC BOX DANCER

To My Friends
If you should die before me,
ask if you could bring a friend.
-- Stone Temple Pilots

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day,
so I never have to live without you.
-- Winnie the Pooh

True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.
-- Charles Caleb Colton

A real friend is one who walks in,
when the rest of the world walks out.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend.
-- Albert Camus

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.
Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life.
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
-- Mencius

Friends are God's way of taking care of us.
I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay
-- Dave Matthews

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge,
I wouldn't jump with them,
I'd be at the bottom to catch them.
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say.
We all take different paths in life,
but no matter where we go, we take a little of each
other everywhere ..;
-- Tim McGraw

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.;
-- Lee Iacocca

Hold a true friend with both your hands.
-- Nigerian Proverb

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart
and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten
the words.;
-- Unknown

LIFE - Words of Wisdom!

Life according to Costanza.....

CUTE KID!

THIS KID IS REALLY CUTE !


TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

***
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

***
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.

***
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

***
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

***
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

***
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

***
TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair
just like that at home.

***
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey
and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?

***
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

***
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

***
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher

Mad Chicken!

We sure feel like ONE sometimes!

MEETINGS!

Corporate Culture!

UNDERSTANDING ASIANS!

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A HONGKIE

1. We are Hongkies not Chinese
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn
3. Jackie Chan is our icon
4. We can live in 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the chinese mainlanders
7. No one can threaten Hong Kong, except the few Cathay Pilots
8. Gambling is more interesting than sex
9. We produce a lot of Ms. Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous.

***

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING SINGAPOREANS

1. We are not Chinese
2. Everyone hates us except ourselves
3. Famous for Orchard Road
4. We have our own island
5. Proud of our world class Airport, world class MRT, world class airline,world class telco...
6. We know how to spell 'Salvatore Ferragamo'
7. We know how to enjoy vacation in M'sia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: can throw anything, anytime, anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl "Do u have CPF?"
9. Never fear getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea.
10. We'll never hv to worry about finding Mr or Ms right coz Govt will find one for us.
11. 1 Sing = 2.2 ringgit nyeh-nyeh-nyeh.. nyeh !
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

***

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING INDONESIANS

1. We are not Australian
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude our Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries
5. We can blame everything on Suharto or Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or...whoever sitting up there.
6. Only in Indonesia can u get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo-Yo, it can go up and down just bcoz the IMF say so.....
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn about the haze
9. We dont need firefighters as our good neighbours will provide.......

***

GOOD REASONS BEING A MALAYSIAN

1. World tallest Building, Best F1 circuit, biggest pewter mug,highest standard of university admission... coz Malaysia Boleh
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting radio and bribing the cop all at the same time.
3. Divorce by sending SMS
4. Traffic summon can be settled on the spot w the cop.
5. Teh Tarek & Roti Canai is the favourite supper
6. We can save a lot of electricity bcoz our TV shows r so crappy
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or Keadilan or.....some other western countries.
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street bulb and three others 'supervising'.
9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lane when cops are sighted ahead.
10. There's always something for the PSD (or JKR ) to do - They dig, resurface, dig and resurface.......on the same area.
11. All main roads are designated highway coz it gives the govt a reason to collect toll.
12. Our Govt can NEVER be wrong. GOOD, EH ???

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Happy! Happy!

WHAT THE WORDS REALLY MEAN?!

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish ................................49
Adventurous ......................Slept with everyone
Athletic ..............................No tits
Average looking .................Ugly
Beautiful ............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile ...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure ............On medication
Feminist ............................Fat
Free spirit ..........................Junkie
Friendship first ...................Former slut
Fun ...................................Annoying
New-Age ...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned ....................No BJs
Open-minded ....................Desperate
Outgoing ...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate ........................Sloppy drunk
Professional ......................Bitch
Voluptuous .......................Very Fat
Large frame ......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate ...............Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
ever think about?

Nephew Si Boon and his 2 sweet Daughters!

Wenyi says "This is Silly Daddy!"

Wenyi dancing ballet. 

Wenyi + Jiayi 

JUST TOO CUTE!

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly?

Go figure.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone!"

The Consumption of Alcohol!

Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may
lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may
lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: - The consumption of alcohol may
be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: - the crumsumpten of alcahol may macke you tihnk you can tipe real gode.

Happy Labour Day!

1st May

Carve in Stone.

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and
saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the
sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we
should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness
can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.

Send this phrase to the people you'll never
forget. It's a short message to let them
know that you'll never forget them.

Do not value the THINGS you have in your life..
But value WHO you have in your life!

50 Ways to Say Someone is Stupid.

1. 'round the bend!
2. 52 cards short of a deck, and playing with the jokers.
3. A few beers short of a six-pack.
4, A few clowns short of a circus.
5, A few crumbs short of a crouton.
6. A few fries short of a happy meal.
7. All foam, no beer.
8. All the marbles aren't round.
9. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
10. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
11. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
12. Antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
13. Asks to have his/her pizza sliced in 4 pieces
because he/she can't eat 8.
14. Belt doesn't go through all the loops.
15. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
16. Book is full of blank pages.
17. Brilliant as a black-hole in space.
18. Brilliant as a burnt-out light bulb.
19. Bubble off of plumb.
20. Cheese slid off of his cracker.
21. Chimney's clogged.
22. Christmas tree doesn't have an angel on the top.
23. Cornbread didn't get baked.
24. Couldn't find his/her way out of a wet paper bag.
25. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with
instructions on the heel.
26. Dealing with a full deck of jokers.
27. Dealing with a half a deck.
28. Dip stick doesn't quite reach the oil.
29. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
30. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
31. Doesn't have both oars in the water.
32. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
33. Driving with the engine shut off.
34. Dumb as fertilizer, but not as useful.
35. Dumber than a box of hair.
36. Dumber than a box of rocks.
37. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
38. Elevator doesn't reach the top floor.
39. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch
on the way down. Florida voter.
40. Forgot to pay the brain bill.
41. From the shallow end of the gene pool.
42. Gates are down, the lights are flashing,
but the train isn't coming.
43. Gone fishing.
44. Half bubble off.
45. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
46. Has reached the bottom of the heap and is now digging.
47. Having a blond moment.
48. He/she is depriving a village of an idiot.
49. He/she isn't stupid, he/she's ignorantly endowed.
50. High priority recipient when they start brain transplants.

FLOWERS from Cameron Highlands!

Colourful Roses!

Pink Rose! 

Yellow Flowers 

Red Red! 

White Flowers 

Wild Orchids!