Front views of House
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
TODAY!!!
21 st Century...
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless*
Our Salary - Very less*
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless*
Our Salary - Very less*
Monday, July 17, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
MAN + WOMAN!
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man+smart woman = romance
Smart man+dumb woman = affair
Dumb man+smart woman = marriage
Dumb man+dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss+smart employee = profit
Smart boss+dumb employee = production
Dumb boss+smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss+dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,
"You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Smart man+smart woman = romance
Smart man+dumb woman = affair
Dumb man+smart woman = marriage
Dumb man+dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss+smart employee = profit
Smart boss+dumb employee = production
Dumb boss+smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss+dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,
"You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Chinese Proverbs
** Virginity like bubble; one prick, all gone.
** Foolish man give wife grand piano,
wise man give wife upright organ.
** Man with hand in pocket, a cocky man.
** Man who runs in front of car gets tired,
man who runs behind car get exhausted.
** Man with one chopstick go hungry.
** Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
** Panties not best thing on earth
but next to best thing on earth.
** Man who fight with wife all day
gets no piece at night.
** It takes many nails to build crib;
but one screw to fill it.
** Man who drives like hell bound to get there.
** Man who lives in glass house
should not have enemies.
** Man who lives in glass house
should change clothes in basement.
** Honeymoon should only last six days;
because seven days makes 'hole weak' (whole week).
** Foolish man give wife grand piano,
wise man give wife upright organ.
** Man with hand in pocket, a cocky man.
** Man who runs in front of car gets tired,
man who runs behind car get exhausted.
** Man with one chopstick go hungry.
** Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
** Panties not best thing on earth
but next to best thing on earth.
** Man who fight with wife all day
gets no piece at night.
** It takes many nails to build crib;
but one screw to fill it.
** Man who drives like hell bound to get there.
** Man who lives in glass house
should not have enemies.
** Man who lives in glass house
should change clothes in basement.
** Honeymoon should only last six days;
because seven days makes 'hole weak' (whole week).
Saturday, June 24, 2006
CHINESE PROVERB ABOUT MONEY!
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A HOUSE
BUT NOT A HOME
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A CLOCK
BUT NOT TIME
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BED
BUT NOT SLEEP
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BOOK,
BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE
WITH MONEY YOU CAN SEE A DOCTOR,
BUT NOT GOOD HEALTH
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY BLOOD
BUT NOT LIFE
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY SEX
BUT NOT LOVE
BUT NOT A HOME
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A CLOCK
BUT NOT TIME
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BED
BUT NOT SLEEP
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BOOK,
BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE
WITH MONEY YOU CAN SEE A DOCTOR,
BUT NOT GOOD HEALTH
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY BLOOD
BUT NOT LIFE
WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY SEX
BUT NOT LOVE
Friday, June 23, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
WHAT WILL MATTER?!!!
WHAT WILL MATTER?!!!
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no days, no hours or minutes.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will all expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Your gender, skin color, ethnicity will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no days, no hours or minutes.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will all expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Your gender, skin color, ethnicity will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage and sacrifice
that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Male Thoughts!
Thought 1 #
When men are born, their mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When they are married, their brides get the presents and the publicity.
When they die, their widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
------------------------------------------------------------
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thought 3 #
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,
"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you
when I got married?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Thought 4 #
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride
as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father
and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father
by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him
and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing
..........but not the poor groom!
When men are born, their mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When they are married, their brides get the presents and the publicity.
When they die, their widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
------------------------------------------------------------
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thought 3 #
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,
"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you
when I got married?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Thought 4 #
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride
as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father
and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father
by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him
and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing
..........but not the poor groom!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Which Country will Win The World Cup?
This theory points to Brazil as the winner
This theory is currently being circulated in the cyber world. Will it work this year? Lets just wait and see if this theory is proven right.
1. Brazil won in 1994 and before that won in 1970
1970 + 1994 = 3964
2. Argentina won its last world cup in 1986 and before that in 1978
1978 + 1986 = 3964
3. Germany won its last world cup in 1990 and before that in 1974
1974 + 1990 = 3964
4. Brazil won the championships in 2002 and 1962
1962 + 2002 = 3964
So it is logical, if we want to predict what will happen this year,
to then look for another year that would verify the formula.
3964 - 2006 = 1958 ...
Brazil was the champion in 1958, so we conclude Brazil will win this year.
Good luck to all of you who put on bets this World Cup.
This theory is currently being circulated in the cyber world. Will it work this year? Lets just wait and see if this theory is proven right.
1. Brazil won in 1994 and before that won in 1970
1970 + 1994 = 3964
2. Argentina won its last world cup in 1986 and before that in 1978
1978 + 1986 = 3964
3. Germany won its last world cup in 1990 and before that in 1974
1974 + 1990 = 3964
4. Brazil won the championships in 2002 and 1962
1962 + 2002 = 3964
So it is logical, if we want to predict what will happen this year,
to then look for another year that would verify the formula.
3964 - 2006 = 1958 ...
Brazil was the champion in 1958, so we conclude Brazil will win this year.
Good luck to all of you who put on bets this World Cup.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
COFFEE AND LIFE
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. It is, but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead."
Kathy d'Aran-Banton
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. It is, but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead."
Kathy d'Aran-Banton
Friday, May 26, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
How to Stay YOUNG!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Try everything twice.
On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam)
she said she wanted this epitaph:
Tried everything twice...loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down
(keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches).
3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country,
but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry.
You might not get a second time.
And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.
Lost time can never be found!
1. Try everything twice.
On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam)
she said she wanted this epitaph:
Tried everything twice...loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down
(keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches).
3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country,
but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry.
You might not get a second time.
And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.
Lost time can never be found!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
GROWING OLD!
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Take the time to live!!! Life is too short!
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Take the time to live!!! Life is too short!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
WORLD CUP RULES FOR GIRLS
WORLD CUP RULES FOR GIRLS....Guys, start forwarding to your other halfs....
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the The Sun's sport pages so you are aware of what's going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations.
If you fail to do this, you'll be looked at in a bad way or be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup the television is mine at all times - without any exceptions.
3. I don't mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game - as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat.
You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on.
And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game" or "don't worry, they'll win next time".
If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me.
In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years".
I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World!
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the The Sun's sport pages so you are aware of what's going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations.
If you fail to do this, you'll be looked at in a bad way or be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup the television is mine at all times - without any exceptions.
3. I don't mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game - as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat.
You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on.
And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game" or "don't worry, they'll win next time".
If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me.
In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years".
I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Office Sport Club (GRASC) Malacca Outing.
Rowing with 2 lady passengers...now I know why I nearly broke my Back!
Friday, April 28, 2006
THREE THINGS IN LIFE!
THREE THINGS IN LIFE
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back:
Time, Words & Opportunity
Three things in life that may never be lost:
Peace, Hope & Honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable:
Love, Self-Confidence & Friends
Three things in life that are never certain:
Dreams, Success & Fortune
Three things in life that make a person:
Hard work, Sincerity & Commitment
Three things in life that can destroy a person:
Wine, Pride & Anger
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back:
Time, Words & Opportunity
Three things in life that may never be lost:
Peace, Hope & Honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable:
Love, Self-Confidence & Friends
Three things in life that are never certain:
Dreams, Success & Fortune
Three things in life that make a person:
Hard work, Sincerity & Commitment
Three things in life that can destroy a person:
Wine, Pride & Anger
Sunday, April 23, 2006
TO ALL THE KIDS
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who had no means or money to
go for expensive ultrasounds, who drank tea and coffee,
and most likely didn't even go regularly to a gynecologist,
while they carried us.
They took aspirin, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright
colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special
treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with
sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all,
no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound,
no cellphones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broken bones and teeth and there were
no lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were
told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
***
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow
up as kids, before the lawyers (no offence to any lawyers out there) and
the government regulated our lives for our own good and while you are
at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who had no means or money to
go for expensive ultrasounds, who drank tea and coffee,
and most likely didn't even go regularly to a gynecologist,
while they carried us.
They took aspirin, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright
colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special
treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with
sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all,
no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound,
no cellphones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broken bones and teeth and there were
no lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were
told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
***
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow
up as kids, before the lawyers (no offence to any lawyers out there) and
the government regulated our lives for our own good and while you are
at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Colour Profile!
Colour Profile of KL Lim
Brown House
You make sure that your financial decisions are safe and secure. You are wary of taking risks and are overly cautious that tends to let golden opportunities slip from your grasp!
Red Shirt
Having a lively and outgoing personality, you don't like to blend into the crowd and pity people that do. You take fashion trends to the EXTREME!
White Rose
You are a calm person, and a good listener. You are comfortable with allowing others to take the spotlight and prefer to share in their adventures. You are protective towards your friendships and give your time freely.
Red Car
You make sure that your possessions will boost your image, no matter whether it's a necessity or not. If one of your friends has it, you must have it as well.
Orange Handphone
Variety is the spice of life. You are comfortable in any crowd and get along easily with anyone
Brown Teddy Bear
You are very considerate. Friendship is the world to you, and you are friends with everyone. Be careful, as sometimes this works against you if you are too trusting.
***
Try this...it's fun + True!!!
URL: http://www.chinapaint.com/eng/flash/colorandme_en.swf
Brown House
You make sure that your financial decisions are safe and secure. You are wary of taking risks and are overly cautious that tends to let golden opportunities slip from your grasp!
Red Shirt
Having a lively and outgoing personality, you don't like to blend into the crowd and pity people that do. You take fashion trends to the EXTREME!
White Rose
You are a calm person, and a good listener. You are comfortable with allowing others to take the spotlight and prefer to share in their adventures. You are protective towards your friendships and give your time freely.
Red Car
You make sure that your possessions will boost your image, no matter whether it's a necessity or not. If one of your friends has it, you must have it as well.
Orange Handphone
Variety is the spice of life. You are comfortable in any crowd and get along easily with anyone
Brown Teddy Bear
You are very considerate. Friendship is the world to you, and you are friends with everyone. Be careful, as sometimes this works against you if you are too trusting.
***
Try this...it's fun + True!!!
URL: http://www.chinapaint.com/eng/flash/colorandme_en.swf
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Five Corporate Lessons
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor." she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:-
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:-
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:-
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story:-
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:-
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor." she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:-
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:-
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:-
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story:-
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:-
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wisdom from Grandpa!
To all you OWLS (Older Wiser Laughin Souls)
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin' No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....Remember about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing!
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin' No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....Remember about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Prayer between the Sexes!
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind'?
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
***
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns
a liquor store and a fishing boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen.
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind'?
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
***
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns
a liquor store and a fishing boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen.
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