Male Thoughts!

Thought 1 #

When men are born, their mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When they are married, their brides get the presents and the publicity.
When they die, their widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

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Thought 2

The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

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Thought 3 #

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,
"If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?"
I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you
when I got married?"

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Thought 4 #

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride
as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father
and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father
by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him
and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing
..........but not the poor groom!