WEDDING ANIVERSARY !!!

KK + Stella Lim
at their
40th Ruby Wedding Aniversary Celebration
in Ipoh
on 12 March 2005.

KK + Stella Lim
with
the Sister-In-Laws!

The Singing Lims
in Action!

The TAPAH LIMS.

Family of EIGHT!
Seated L to R: Lim Lam Pheng, KK Lim, Lim Kooi Peng.
Standing L to R: KL Lim, KG Lim, KP Lim, KY Lim, KH Lim.

Tapah Lims with Spouses
at
KK+Stella Lim 40th Ruby Wedding Aniversary!

KL Lim Family Photo.

ADULTERY!

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

"Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker.
I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding,
intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not."

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman
or a man who will be more charming or sensitive.
More alluring.
More thoughtful.
Richer.
Have greater sex appeal.

And you will find a woman or man who will need you
and pursue you and go loco over you more than
your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect.

Because a spouse will only have 90% of what
you're looking for.
So adultery takes place when a husband or wife
looks for the missing 10%.

Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk
who has a cherry laughter.

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers
and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,
you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales
representative that visits your office in a sharp
black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.

Or because your husband is the quiet type,
your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old
college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait!
That's only 10% of what you don't have.
Don't throw away the 90% that you already have!

Add to your spouse's 90% the 100% that represents
all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together.
The unforgettable moments of sadness
and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other.
The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God
for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline

The main message:
If you start appreciating what you have right now,
wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!

A Pub that looks Drunk!

GREAT IDEA for a pub lah!?

Night View!

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY !

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several pornn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

SENIOR CITIZENS

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL, MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Engineer vs MBA!?

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
" Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful
and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Safety Belts!

Latest Practical Safety Belts!

The 2005 Happiness Index

A 'happiness survey' of British workers in 30 professions puts architects at the bottom of the league,
along with social workers.

More than 1,200 employees were canvassed by qualifications regulator City & Guilds.

The top professions for people who are 'very happy'
with their jobs are hairdressers (40%)
followed by members of the clergy at No. 2 (24%).

Architects managed just 2% at No. 29.

Happiness Index:
1 Hairdressers 40%
2 Clergy 24%
3 Chefs/cooks 23%
4 Beauticians 22%
5 Plumbers 20%
6 Mechanics 20%
7 Builders 20%
8 Electricians 18%
9 Florists 18%
10 Fitness instructors 18%
11 Care assistants 18%
12 Health care professionals 17%
13 Media 16%
14 Chartered engineers 15%
15 Pharmacists 15%
16 Scientists/R&D 15%
17 Butchers 14%
18 DJs 13%
19 Interior designers 9%
20 Travel agents 9%
21 Teachers 8%
22 Bankers 8%
23 Accountants 7%
24 IT specialists 5%
25 Lawyers 5%
26 Secretaries 5%
27 Estate agents 4%
28 Civil servants 3%
29 Architects 2%
30 Social workers 2%

Cards rejected by Hallmark!

I wrote your name on sand, it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart
And I got a heart attack .

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

God saw me hungry, He created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, He created light .
He saw me without problems,
He created YOU.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Roses are red, violets are purple
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in cage, but laughing at you.

Ancient Japanese Proverb!

If You cannot understand Japanese,
Tilt your Head to the Right!

Can you raed tihs?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer
is at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef
but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fun facts

A Very Smart Kid!

A first grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble
with one of her students.
The teacher asks, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade.
My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than
she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough.
She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office,
the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the third grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal,
"No, no! Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of
that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have
but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."

The principal is breaking out in a sweat.
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do
that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T,
is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
The principal's eyes open wide!!!
Harry: Coconut.

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink
then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up,
a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer...
Harry: Shake hands.

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some
"Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me you feel good.
Harry: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: "Arrow"

Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends
in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
The principal is about to faint!
Harry: Fire truck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief
and said to the teacher, "Send Harry to university,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Happy Lim in Action!

Lim in Action (1982) !!!

The Buffalo Theory!

The Buffalo (and Beer) Theory!

The Buffalo Theory!

.....as explained by Cliff Clavin of Cheers.

.

One afternoon at Cheers,

Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this...

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.

.

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest

and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,

because the general speed and health of the whole group

keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

.

In much the same way, the human brain

can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer

eliminates the weaker brain cells,

making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!"

Newlywed Couple + BEER Story

It goes like this.....

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait
to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator
and showed him 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from12 different countries:
Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do,
and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know
...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence,
because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer,
so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll,
but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres
that are really delicious...I won't be long,
I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes
of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know...
there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F##KING BEER
IN YOUR G#DD#MN FROZEN MUG
AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF##KING SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU' RE MARRIED NOW,
AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

.....and, they lived happily ever after!!!???

Isn't that a sweet story!?

The Power of Words!

Terok Singh was travelling in a crowded bus.
He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).

Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket.
He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.

He asked her "Can you lift up your saree?
I wanna take photograph!"

The rest is history!!!

He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted
to hospital.
He was surprised to see Butol Singh on the bed
next to him, in a worse condition.

Butol explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work.
He finished late and missed the last bus.
He couldn't find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked
the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters.
Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".

He approached the next house and asked
whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters.
"Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".

He went to the next house and asked:
"Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?????????"
Butol replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night....."

The rest is history.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS "WORDS"
GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE
IF YOU DON'T USE IT CORRECTLY.

The Moods of a Man!

Hungry! Horny! Sleepy!

***

Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent

on breast implants and Viagra today

than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040,

there should be a large elderly population

with perky boobs and huge erections

and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

How to Succeed

Don't talk negatively about people behind their backs.
If you gossip, people won't confide in you.
Mind your own business.

Try to work for someone who'll challenge your powers.
You'll learn more in a year than 4 years of college.

Successful bosses have good communication skills.
They learn from people, including their employees.

Work in such a way that makes your boss look good.
It's not flattery.

On downsizing, the first to go are those with few friends.
Bosses prefer competent people whom they respect.

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.
Let your dress reflect professionalism.

Workout to get in good physical shape.
Unless exceptionally skilled,
the unhealthy are at a comparative disadvantage.

Personal integrity is crucial.
Tell nothing but the truth.
Bosses can forgive mistakes but if you lie, you're gone.

Be on time.
Try to arrive few minutes early.
It saves you from stress.
You'll be much relaxed & work better

Strive your best to keep a deadline.
If you cannot meet it, then apologize & ask for an extension

Don't take things personally.
If some people are unhappy with you,
it's their problem. But always strive to give your best.

If you must correct someone, don't get personal about it.
Do it never in front of others.

Spend some time alone everyday.
What's the mission of my life?
What do I want to be?
And how to go about it.

As you move along Plan A of your career
maintain a Plan B as well —
an alternative course to rely

Always remember that the secret of success is passion.
Always think big. Spread love & joy.
You'll have blissful years ahead

***

Funny Cartoon!

I'm Sexy!

AGING!?!

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives
when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited
about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life
. . . you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony
. . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.
Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk!
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30,
then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on! the brakes, it's all slipping away.
Before you know it, you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60.
You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40,
REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing;
you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day
is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch;
you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s,
you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100,
you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle!
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life,
is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love,
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,
even to the next county; to a foreign country
but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them,
at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

We all need to live life to its fullest each day.

10 COMANDMENTS FOR THE OVER FIFTY

I. ACT AND BEHAVE YOUR AGE
Face and accept the reality of getting old, its consequences,
and the limitations which growing old brings.
Quit fooling yourself by trying to look like
you were in your youth.

II. MOVE ON
Focus on enjoying people and not on indulging
in/or accumulating material things.
Enjoy life and meet new people.
Do the things you have always wanted to do
but was unable to do so.
Follow your dream and your hearts' desire.....

III. PLAN TO SPEND WHATEVER YOU HAVE SAVED
You deserve to enjoy it and the few healthy years
you have left. Travel if you can afford it.
Don't leave anything for your children
or loved ones to quarrel about.
By leaving anything, you may cause even more
trouble when you are gone.

IV. LIVE IN THE PRESENT
Live in the here and now, not in the yesterdays
and tomorrows.
It is only today that you can handle.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not even happen.

V. SPOIL YOUR GRANDCHILDREN
Enjoy and spoil your grandchildren
(if you are blessed with any)
but don't be their full time baby sitter.
You have no moral obligation to take care of them.
Don't have any guilt feelings about refusing to
baby sit anyone's kids, including your own grandkids.
Your parental obligation is to your children.
After you have raised them into responsible adults,
your duties of child-rearing and babysitting are finished.
Let your children raise their own offsprings.

VI. ACCEPT YOUR HEALTH
Enjoy whatever your health can allow.
Accept your physical weakness, sickness,
limitations and other physical pains.
It is a part of the aging process.

VII. RETIRE
Enjoy what you are and what you have right now.
Stop working hard for what you do not have.
If you do not have them, it's probably too late.

VIII. LOVE YOURSELF
Accept yourself for what and who you are.
People, who truly love you, love you for yourself and
not for what you have or for what you can give them.
Anyone who loves you for what you have
will just give you misery.

IX. FORGIVE AND FORGET
Forgive and forget all those who have wronged you.
Forgive yourself and others.
Forget the slights, hurts, and misfortunes of yesterday.
Look towards the furture.
Enjoy peace of mind and soul.

X. BEFRIEND DEATH
Don't be afraid of death.
It's a natural part of the cycle of life.
Death is the beginning of a new and beeter of life.
So, prepare yourself not for death but for a new life.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT

HAVE A NICE DAY!

It's Monday again today!

Have a Cool Beer too!

Drinkers' Quote:

"Beer drinking doesn't do half the harm as love-making"!?
- Anonymous

Classic Definitions

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : Art of transferring info from lecturer to students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. IT consultant : One who gets paid for reading such mails......

At Tapah, Perak.

Happy meeting up recently with our Tapah 'Nanny'
who took good care of us when we were kids!

The Mayonnaise Jar + 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much
to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough,
remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up
a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles
and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into
the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course,
the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire contents
into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things
-- God, your family, your children, your health,
your friends and your favorite passions
-- and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else
-- the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued,
"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life!
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff
you will never have room for the things
that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical
to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house
and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first
-- the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired
what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter
how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee
with a friend."

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

This is what The Dalai Lama
has to say for 2005.

1. Take into account that great love and
great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self,
Respect for other’s
and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break
them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open arms to change,
but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes
the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back,
you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home
is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones,
deal only with the current situation.
Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge.
It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year,
go some place you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one
in which your love for each other exceeds
your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had
to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

ROYAL MINT!

The latest Royal Commemorative Coin.

Key to Happiness?

Actually a Wedding Card
of an IT Engineer!

BLONDE JOKES!

AUTO REPAIR
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes,
it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you!"

EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her
blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you
for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." He says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD,
I left the baby on the bus again!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
"how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river
then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a
speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see
that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "it's A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American,
and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what?
We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other
and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,
you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice
and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"

FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final
examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes
and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin,
marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her
and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour,
but now I'm rechecking my answers."


THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
attractive blond female neighbor came out of the
house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back
into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box and again, opened it,
slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came again, marched to the mail box,
opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready? this is a beauty .)
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

PARTY JOKES

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich.
Marry me."
= That's Telemarketing

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie;
you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way,
I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
= That's Public Relations

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich......"
= That's Brand Recognition

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
= That's Customer Feedback

TRUST!

Takes Years to build Trust!

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones
just never go away.
And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

The EVOLUTION of MAN!

Evolution of Man

THIS IS US !!!

People over 30 should be dead.
Here's why.

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of
us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe
the early 1970's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based
paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
doors or cabinets, ...and when we rode our bikes,
we had no helmets.
(Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts
or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on
a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop
with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we
were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle,
and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps
and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the
brakes..

After running into the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day,
as long as we were back when the street lights came on .

No one was able to reach us all day.
NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes,
no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable,
video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones,
personal computers, or Internet chat rooms .

We had friends!
We went outside and found them. We played dodge ball,
and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
They were accidents. No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and
blue and learned to get over it.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate
worms, and although we were told it would happen,
we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms
live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked
on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and
talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed
a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was
unheard of. They actually sided with the law.
Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation
and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them!
Congratulations!

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow
up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our
lives, for our own good!!!

People under 30 are WIMPS!!!

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN

(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 15 telling them to sit down and shut up!

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.


AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

Chinese New Year 2005

The Lim Clan celebrated the Chinese New Year Holidays at Ipoh, Perak. Plenty of good foods and drinks! Also met up with some good old friends for the happy occasion.
Below are some photos taken during the CNY festive period.

CNY Eve Dinner

CNY Eve Dinner at No 1 Brother KK House in Ipoh.

Delicious "Lion Heads!"

Time to collect "Ang Pows!"