MALE BRAIN
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Beauty Of a Woman
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figures she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole.
But true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives.
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman, with passing years...only grows.
***
An English Professor wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing",
on the blackboard and directed the students
to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:
"woman, without her man, is nothing".
The woman wrote:
"woman, without her, man is nothing".
the figures she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole.
But true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives.
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman, with passing years...only grows.
***
An English Professor wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing",
on the blackboard and directed the students
to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote:
"woman, without her man, is nothing".
The woman wrote:
"woman, without her, man is nothing".
Women over 30!
....to all Women who are over 30!!!
Written by Andy Rooney
from CBS 60 Minutes
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age,
Written by Andy Rooney
from CBS 60 Minutes
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age,
I value women who are over 30 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle
Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle
of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?".
She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,
she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do.
And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game,
she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do.
And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough
to be assured in who she is, what she is,
what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 30 give a damn
Few women past the age of 30 give a damn
what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified.
Women over 30 are dignified.
They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it,
Of course, if you deserve it,
they won't hesitate to shoot you,
if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance
to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore
even her best friend
because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted
to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age.
Women get psychic as they age.
You never have to confess your sins
to a woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
a woman over 30 is far sexier
than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest.
Older women are forthright and honest.
They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk
if you are acting like one!
You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of 30+,
there is a bald,
paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.....Andy Rooney
Ladies, I apologize.....Andy Rooney
***
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow
For all those men who say,
"Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free".
Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire Pig,
just to get a little sausage...
Marriage Life!
WIVES !
Picking On The Wife
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
"Always".
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Then there was a man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Friday, January 14, 2005
The RULES!
The Rules...men style!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1.Saturday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
We have no idea what taupe is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1.Saturday=sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.
We have no idea what taupe is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
CAPITALISM AROUND THE WORLD.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...
A MEXICAN CORPORATION
You think you have two cows but you don't know what a cow looks like.
You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die.
You blame the godless American infidels.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You declare them 'halal', proceed to eat them and blame the government for not protecting 'Bumis'.
...............and finally..................
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have to buy a $30,000 certificate of entitlement each.
You are taxed for the milk the cows produce.
You are charged for parking the cows and fined for not cleaning up after them.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...
A MEXICAN CORPORATION
You think you have two cows but you don't know what a cow looks like.
You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die.
You blame the godless American infidels.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You declare them 'halal', proceed to eat them and blame the government for not protecting 'Bumis'.
...............and finally..................
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have to buy a $30,000 certificate of entitlement each.
You are taxed for the milk the cows produce.
You are charged for parking the cows and fined for not cleaning up after them.
Monday, January 10, 2005
MALAYSIA BOLEH !
See Note: Women in Kuala Lumpur are the best endowed, with cup sizes bigger than those of New York and Taipei women, according to a survey done in 12 cities by lingerie company Wacoal.
MALAYSIA BOLEH!
Malaysia Can!
Malaysian Wife is Perfect !?
7 Qualities required to be a Perfect Wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful and
Self-organized.
In short, She must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S.
MALAYSIAN DRIVERS
Habits of Malaysian Drivers!
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: IPOH driver.
2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette: KEPONG driver.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Downtown KUALA LUMPUR driver.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang, foot solidly on accelerator: JOHOR driver.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, hands-free on the lap: BANGSAR driver.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: FOREIGNER driving in MALAYSIA.
7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, talking on cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SUBANG JAYA driver...on the Federal Highway!!!
8. One hand on wheel, one hand on passengers head rest, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing rambutans or durian shells out the window: KUANTAN driver...on Karak Highway!!!
9. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, 'ready-to-kill' attitude, rear window stickers read "Make my day", beer cans on floor, wedding ribbon still attached to antenna: PUCHONG driver...at Construction Site!
10. One hand on the handphone, another hand picking nose, One leg on the dash board, another leg crossed on the seat with a beer can in the middle ~ turning anywhere he likes, parking anywhere he likes, in fact, driving
anywhere he likes. Aaahhh.....this is a heaven for drivers...welcome to PENANG!
11. Two hands gripping tightly to the wheel, eyes glued on the windscreen, alternately stepping on the accelerator and brakes every 5 seconds.....WOMAN Driver!
TSUNAMI...Tragedy is the mother of Change
Tragedies, such as the one caused by the Tsunami [Japanese tsu, (port) and nami, (wave)], bring out the best and worse in people: from heroic salvation stories and generous donations by poor people, to donation scams, politics, to organised trade in orphaned minors. Still, one could say that civilisation itself has been molded through disasters and tragedy, natural or man-inflicted; paraphrasing Heraclitus, tragedy is the father of all.
The world community, as represented by the UN, should focus on implementing positive permanent changes through this disaster: not just the much talked-about missing Indian Ocean tsunami warning system - a tsunami may indeed not happen for another three generations in the area - but in terms of meeting the more pressing everyday needs of education, sanitation, health for the impoverished masses of Asia (and Africa, that should not be forgotten). The devastation may have not made any separation between rich and poor, young and old, local or foreign - and in that it is similar to a hundred Titanics - but it is the surviving poorer residents who will find it harder to cope with the aftermath. And like the Titanic, it was an accident that could have been prevented, with proper information, training, communication, and above all education.
Our thoughts are with the victims of the tsunami disaster.
The best that each of us can do in the memory of all victims,
in the years to come is to put pressure where we can,
so that every person in the affected areas,
and beyond, from now on gets access to a decent job
and a decent life, and so that a better type of tourism,
that can provide such means to all,
emerges from the ruins of the tsunami.
From ECOCLUB INTERNATIONAL ECOTOURISM
CHARITY
Let us give, so that we will have!
There is no culture or religion
which does not preach the goodness of doing charity.
One of the things we were taught in school
There is no culture or religion
which does not preach the goodness of doing charity.
One of the things we were taught in school
was that you do not help people because
you expect something in return.
You help people because they need help.
* * *
You help people because they need help.
* * *
What I spent, I had;
What I saved, I lost;
What I gave, I have.
Canadian George Moore
* * *
Philanthropy is "the love of mankind".
There is no greater calling than to give oneself
into the lives of others,
for in the end, it is only people that last.
In the act of giving to those around us,
we extend nothing short of hope;
and hope is the greatest gift that we can give."
Malcolm Forbes
* * *
In the end,
we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
* * *
The Master has no possessions.
The more he does for others,
the happier he is.
The more he gives to others,
the wealthier he is.
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Lao-tzu
**********
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
* * *
The Master has no possessions.
The more he does for others,
the happier he is.
The more he gives to others,
the wealthier he is.
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
Lao-tzu
**********
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
TIME
For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time
to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time
to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time to war, and a time to peace.
* Ecclesiastes *
Saturday, January 08, 2005
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
I know some of us don't want to be reminded of our age.
But looking on the bright side,
there are some advantages of being over 50.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4.. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?
5.. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9.. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10.. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11.. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12.. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13.. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
15.. You sing along with elevator music.
16.. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17.. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
18.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
19.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
20.. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21.. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Some truth to this list...!?
Then what about Perk of being over 80?
You don't have (m)any enemy left to quarrel with!
But looking on the bright side,
there are some advantages of being over 50.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4.. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?
5.. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7.. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8.. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9.. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10.. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11.. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12.. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13.. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
15.. You sing along with elevator music.
16.. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17.. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
18.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
19.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.
20.. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21.. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Some truth to this list...!?
Then what about Perk of being over 80?
You don't have (m)any enemy left to quarrel with!
IMPRESSING a WOMAN / MAN
How to IMPRESS a WOMAN -
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to IMPRESS a MAN -
Show up naked! Bring beer!
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to IMPRESS a MAN -
Show up naked! Bring beer!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Enjoy your life
Enjoy your life
I'll be happy when...
We convince ourselves that life will be better
after we get married,
have a baby,
then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough
and we'll be more content when they are.
After that,
we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete
when our spouse gets his or her act together,
when we get a nicer car,
when we are able to go on a nice vacation
or when we retire.
The truth is there's no better time to be happy
than right now.
If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself
and decide to be happy anyway.
Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have
and treasure it more
because you shared it with someone special,
special enough to spend your time with.
And remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting ...
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey,
not a destination.
So work like you don't need money,
love like you've never been hurt,
and,
dance like no one's watching.
Balance Sheet of Life
Balance Sheet of Life
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Monday, January 03, 2005
The BEAUTY of GUILIN, China
White Xmas in Guilin, China!
Over the Xmas holidays Happy Lim and Wife Mei Wan visited Guilin in China with some Friends and Relatives. Below are some photographs of the many Beautiful Scenic Spots. It was Snowing in Guilin too!
As the saying goes: "You won't understand the True Beauty of Chinese Scenic Wonders until you tour the Lijiang River in Guilin!"
Sunday, January 02, 2005
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
2005
to
ALL OUR FRIENDS + RELATIVES
2005
to
ALL OUR FRIENDS + RELATIVES
from
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
BE HAPPY!!!
KL Lim Home
Apt 31-17-1 Bangsar Heights
Lorong Kaloi
Kuala Lumpur 59100
MALAYSIA
BE HAPPY!!!
Year 2005
You know you're living in 2005
when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally do "9" to getan outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. Your CV is on a disk in your pocket.
11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
13. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your boss gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, but you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...
22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".
24. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you any more except to send you jokes from the net.
25. You are too busy to notice there was no No 9.
26. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9 (Bet you all did this one!?!?!?).
Saturday, January 01, 2005
BEST HEADLINES YEAR 2004
THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL]
HEADLINES
2004
Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work
HEADLINES
2004
Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
[those good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
[those good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make
Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]
Chef Throws His Heart
into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]
Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery: Hundreds Dead
[nuff said!]
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make
Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]
Chef Throws His Heart
into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]
Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery: Hundreds Dead
[nuff said!]
***
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath
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