Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Observations on Growing Older

Observations on Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them

...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.

Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"...

they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.

Now you get discounts on everything...

movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names ... but it's OK

because other people forgot

they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose

is now 15 and you have a better chance

of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going

to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you

to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do,

you no longer care to do,

but you really do care that you

don't care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair

with the TV blaring than he does in bed.

It's called his "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said,

"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say,

"I hope my kids GET married...

Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked

with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...

were unheard of, and a mouse was something

that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more 4 letter words ...

"what?"..."when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford

expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband has a night out with the guys,

but he's home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your husband has retired ...

you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...

2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:

old songs,

old movies,

And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Chinese Philosophy

Chinese Philosophy

Man, O Man!
When without money, keep pigs;
When have money, keep dogs.
When without money, eat at home with wife;
When have money, dine in fine restaurant.
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.
When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.

When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes wife.
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.
Man, O Man, never tells the truth:

Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;

Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but refused to go.
In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn.
In the rural area, chicken calls man awake;
In the cities, man calls for chickens.
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;

Now, actresses will sell their bodies to get famous
What is life about?

1 At one, YOU are the top priority
10 At ten, academic excellence is the top priority
20 At twenty, getting laid is the top priority
30 At thirty, a good career is top priority
40 At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority
50 At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority
60 At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority
70 At seventy, remembering something is top priority
80 At eighty, moving around is top priority
90 At ninety, knowing directions is top priority
100 At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!

Wishing you all happiness! Be good!