Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Leave More than an Inheritance

For when he dies he shall carry nothing away;
His glory shall not descend after him.

Psalm 49:17

God encourages us to fix our eyes on the things that endure. In light of eternity, leaders cannot become consumed with the temporary.

Only a vision that outlives them, a vision connected to eternity, will fulfill a godly leader. In other words, we must build a legacy.

A huge difference exists between a legacy and an inheritance. Anyone can leave an inheritance.
An inheritance is something you leave to your family or loved ones. (It also fades.)
A legacy is something you leave in your family and loved ones.

Consider these differences:

Inheritance

1. Something you give to others
2. Temporarily brings them happiness
3. Eventually fades as it is spent
4. Your activity may or may not pay off

Legacy

1. Something you place in others
2. Permanently transforms them
3. Lives on long after you die
4. Your activity becomes achievement

The Maxwell Leadership Bible

Monday, August 29, 2005

Proof That The World is Nuts!

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with
animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable
by death.
(Like THAT makes sense?)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a
woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly
at them during the examination.
He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)


Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a
corpse. This also applies to undertakers.
The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a
brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel
the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them
for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden
for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere
else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare
hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand,
may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with
her husband, and the first time this happens,
her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex
with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had
to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending
machines with one exception:
Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only
"in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for
consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what?
Well . . . not as great as Guam!)

Banging your head against a wall
uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species
that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight,
can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over
on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ... ?
and did the government pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last:

Turtles can breathe through their butts. !
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)


Some of this I knew already,
and some I wish I hadn't found out !!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Friday, August 26, 2005

Stress Relievers Jokes!

Stress Reliever .. 1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Why ?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever ... 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries
or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever .. 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,
he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever ... 4
Wife to husband: " What's your excuse for coming home at this
time of the night?"
Husband to wife: " Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: " What ? At 2 am ? "
Husband to wife: " Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever ... 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me
if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO
MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Stress Reliever ... 6
Father to son after exam: " Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever ... 7
" How was your blind date ? " a college student asked her roommate.
" Terrible ! " the roommate answered. " He showed up in his 1932
Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that ? "
"He was the original owner."

Stress Reliever .. 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever .. 9
Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you
before you married her ?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever ... 10
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever ... 11
A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."

Stress Reliever ... 12
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you
are sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"

Stress Reliever .. 13
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."

Stress Reliever .. 14
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my
pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Class of 1966 * Technical College, KL


L to R: Lee Min Yang * Lawrence Chan * KL Lim * P'ng Gek Leng * Ibrahim Hassan * Chew Tong Kim * Tay Kiam Seng * Chong Tet Shin * Chew Chee Sun Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 22, 2005

Woman = Problem!


Woman * Time * Money * Problem! Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Words Women Use!

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

FUN Being A Malaysian!

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE: Traffic JAM.

NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel
embarrassed buying condoms. So they rushed into a 7-11,
hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack,
pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION: Pineapple.

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Stout. Many swear by
it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning.

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN): Menstrual Pain.

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply, going to watch "Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc...

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING
SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES: Panadol.
The "cure for all". If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour (car-fu).
Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing stupid French brands like Peugeot, Renault [or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better, when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot". When I was in school, Milo was always 'Mee Lo', now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "rangutan".

NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less
Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less
Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets!

SCUBA HAZE !!!


Easy Rider/Scuba Diver! Posted by Picasa

Saturday, August 13, 2005

New Definitions!

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definitions

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes
of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
through the minds of either.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but does not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually
and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life,
to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower
says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....
except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections
and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills,
and kills you with his bills.

Friday, August 12, 2005

OFFICE FUN!


Meetings! Posted by Picasa

How to Save Your Job? Posted by Picasa

2 things to worry about!

There are only 2 things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about;
but If you are sick, there are only 2 things to worry about,
whether you will get well or whether you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about;
but if you die, there are only 2 things to worry about;
whether you go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about,
and if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands
with old friends, you won't have time to worry,
so why worry???

Thursday, August 11, 2005

!New Zealand HAKA

The following is the official version of the meaning of the chant
used by the NZ All Blacks.

Ka mate, Ka mate! Ka ora, Ka ora!
Ka mate, Ka mate! Ka ora, Ka ora!
Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru
Nana i tiki mai
Whakawhiti te ra!
A hupane, kaupane
A hupane, kaupane whiti te ra!
Hi!

I die, I die! I live, I live!
I die, I die! I live, I live!
This is the hairy man
Who fetches the Sun
And caused it to shine again!
One upward step, another upwards step
And upward step, another the Sun shines!
Hi!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Saturday, August 06, 2005

A Can of Worms!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration
would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container
of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container
of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container
of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon,
the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation
- What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Don't you just love little old ladies????

Be like the Candle......

Light up your Life!!!!!!!!

BE NICE TO OTHERS IN THE SAME WAY,
AS YOU WANT OTHERS TO BE NICE WITH YOU.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE.
SO, THINK GOOD AND SAY BETTER
AND TRY TO DO THE BEST
THEN THIS WORLD WILL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL TO YOU.

WHEN MONEY IS LOST NOTHING IS LOST
WHEN HEALTH IS LOST SOMETHING IS LOST
WHEN CHARACTER IS LOST EVERYTHING IS LOST

LIVE LIKE A CANDLE,
WHICH BURNS ITSELF BUT GIVES LIGHT TO OTHERS.


IMPOSE YOUR OWN TERMS UPON LIFE
IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT
THE TERMS OF OTHERS.

LOOK BACKWARDS WITH GRATITUDE,
UPWARDS WITH CONFIDENCE
AND FORWARDS WITH HOPE.

WHEN YOU TRUELY CARE FOR SOMEONE
YOU DON'T LOOK FOR FAULTS,
YOU DON'T LOOK FOR ANSWERS,
YOU DON'T LOOK FOR MISTAKES,
INSTEAD YOU FIGHT THE MISTAKES,
YOU ACCEPT THE FAULTS,
AND YOU OVERLOOK THE EXCUSES.

Have a Good Day!


Be Happy! Posted by Picasa

Thursday, August 04, 2005

You Are So Blessed!!!

YOU ARE SO BLESSED!

If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness
,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation
,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.

If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death
,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back,a roof over
your head and a place to sleep
,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace
, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful
,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder
,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.

BLESSINGS TO YOU!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Men strike back!

The time has finally come...

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say
something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up
the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Boy ain't this the truth!

Monday, August 01, 2005